


Stay With Me

by hongbab



Category: VIXX
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-15
Updated: 2017-02-15
Packaged: 2018-09-24 18:35:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,061
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9779621
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hongbab/pseuds/hongbab
Summary: He’s so, so far away.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Recommended songs: VIXX LR - [Beautiful Liar](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZKTaIsFkCcY&feature=youtu.be); Leo - [할 말](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PY1Z9AFkqVA&index=3&list=PLdM95kizZ0T1q8wm6iXy7ARA9ObazN-4m)

_[In](https://www.google.hu/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=1&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=0ahUKEwiBp9mDkIjNAhXLcRQKHYgUCwgQFggaMAA&url=https%3A%2F%2Fcolorcodedlyrics.com%2F2015%2F08%2Fvixx-lr-bigseulr-words-to-say-hal-mal-leo-solo&usg=AFQjCNGJU-bpaoUjN8SZo620dVzSPYxvQw&sig2=OTa8zCK1IEVvUI-BHYxm4A&bvm=bv.123325700,d.bGs) case you grew far away, in case you disappeared_  
_I pretended not to see and closed my eyes_  
_You were in love with someone else_  
_But I just wanted you to stay by my side_

 

_Day by day, you grew farther away_  
_Then you left but I still have things to say_  
_So I’m hotly calling out to you_  
_You were more beautiful than anyone else_

 

 

 

There’s something incredibly startling about waking up alone in bed, especially when someone is supposed to be lying next to you.

Hongbin's stomach churns when he blinks his eyes open, finding the right side of the bed empty, Jaehwan nowhere to be seen. He stretches, nevertheless, getting up from the bed feeling like he got beaten up—he literally woke up tired.

He pads out into the kitchen, running his fingers through his hair to tame his messy locks a little, stopping in the doorway when he spots Jaehwan sitting on top of the kitchen counter—white tank top, black briefs, his heels drumming softly against the cupboard door as he swings his legs back and forth. He can’t have been awake for long; his hair is still tousled and his eyes puffy, but he smiles happily at the phone in his hands as his fingers move rapidly on the keyboard while he waits for the eggs to boil next to him on the stove.

Breathing becomes difficult for Hongbin.

“Hey,” he mumbles, stepping to the coffee machine and the cupboard above it, taking out a mug and filling it with the still warm coffee Jaehwan made earlier.

“Hey,” Jaehwan greets back. He smiles at Hongbin sweet and gorgeous like always, but his eyes lack the shine they used to have when he looked at him several years ago, and his face doesn’t radiate as much as it did while he was tapping away on his phone.

Hongbin puts his mug back on the counter, tentatively placing his palms on Jaehwan's knees, pulling them apart so he can stand between them. Jaehwan's legs stop swinging and he drops his hands in his lap, phone turned screen down.

“I thought you’ve already left,” Hongbin says, drawing circles on Jaehwan's right knee with his thumb. “You usually leave by the time I wake up on Tuesdays.”

“I have an important presentation at the university today,” Jaehwan replies with a small break in his voice. He casts his eyes down. “I took a day off from work, but I might stay out late.” He looks back up into Hongbin's eyes and flinches when his phone buzzes in his hands with a new text. “We’re probably going out for a beer with some classmates.”

It’s the most awfully concealed lie Hongbin has every heard, and his chest feels like someone is clawing at it from inside, trying to rip his heart out, but he nods nevertheless, swallowing thickly. He stands on his tiptoes and pushes himself up, kissing Jaehwan on the lips.

There’s a moment of stillness, like Jaehwan froze up from his own boyfriend kissing him, the reaction making Hongbin dig his fingertips into the skin of Jaehwan's knees a little deeper, to find something to brace himself against so he won’t break down right there. Jaehwan kisses back slowly, carefully, as if he’s only doing it so as not to hurt Hongbin's feelings; the hands that drop his phone and come up to cup Hongbin's cheeks resting there unsurely, almost like he doesn’t even want to touch Hongbin.

Hongbin's hands slide up on Jaehwan's thighs, finding their way to his hips and from there, to his back, under the material of his tank top, cold fingers brushing over Jaehwan's warm skin as he pulls him closer and closer until Jaehwan can’t possibly press up against him more.

He’s so far away.

Jaehwan breaks the kiss, arms wrapping around Hongbin's shoulders, hugging him. It feels like a consolation prize that Hongbin can’t take and won’t take, so he presses small kisses to Jaehwan's neck, fingers hooking into the waistband of Jaehwan's briefs.

“Hongbin-ah,” Jaehwan mumbles, drawing back, grabbing Hongbin's shoulders slightly. “You need to go to class soon.”

There’s no playfulness in his eyes, no provocation to make Hongbin convince him to go to bed with him, only the cold rejection, the need to push Hongbin away.

“You’re right,” Hongbin manages to rasp out, though there’s barely any air in his lungs. “Jaehwan.”

“Yes?”

“I love you.”

Jaehwan's eyelashes flutter as he searches Hongbin's eyes and then takes a deep breath, a fake smile spreading over his beautiful lips.

“Sappy,” he says, chuckling, and before Hongbin could say anything, the water starts boiling in earnest, forcing him to take his hands off Jaehwan and let him jump down from the counter to turn the stove off.

His phone buzzes with a new text again, at which Jaehwan bites his lower lip like he’s trying to suppress a smile.

He’s so, so far away.

 

 

It all started almost a year ago, with a single black umbrella.

It was the middle of September, raining cats and dogs all day, Hongbin himself rubbing at his own hair with a towel like crazy when Jaehwan arrived, followed by a loud thunder that got Hongbin flinch. Jaehwan groaned, shaking the rain out of his dark hair, wiping the drops out of his eyes with the sleeve of his suit jacket, even though that was wet as well.

“Fuck, this is unbearable,” he said, shaking the water off a black umbrella in the doorway.

“You got drenched, too?” Hongbin asked, taking another towel out of the closet, waiting for Jaehwan to take off the top layer of his clothes.

“Yeah,” Jaehwan said, setting the umbrella in a corner as he kicked his shoes off, getting rid of his damp jacket. He reached out for the dry towel in Hongbin's hand, leaning in for a quick kiss that Hongbin tried to draw out by wrapping an arm around Jaehwan's waist. He should have known better than that, because when Jaehwan had something to say, there was no stopping him. “Could’ve been worse, though,” he continued, messing up his artfully styled hair with the towel. “Forgot to bring an umbrella. I had a minor mental breakdown at Starbucks before work, because, you know, we had that meeting on the Kang-tender today and I was so damn nervous the CEO would see me wet as a drowned rat the first time I’d meet him for real… So there was this guy at Starbucks who listened to me whining to the barista, and then he just came up to me, shoving his umbrella into my face like, ‘You can have it. I live close by,’ and when I said it was okay, he kept insisting I take his umbrella, and when I did, he simply left in a cap and leather jacket.”

Jaehwan stopped abruptly after such a long and intense speech, his hand halting in his hair, his pale cheeks filling with colour. It would have been so easy to see what was going on, but Hongbin was so blind.

“Do you know his name?” Hongbin asked, unsuspecting. “You could leave it for him at Starbucks.”

“Yeah, his… his cup said ‘Taekwoon’,” Jaehwan replied, clearing his throat. “I’ll leave it there for him tomorrow morning.”

Hongbin only smiled in response.

 

 

Jaehwan never leaves his phone around when he goes to take a shower, but today, he forgets to bring it with himself into the bathroom.

Hongbin is sitting on the couch, typing up an essay on his laptop when Jaehwan's phone buzzes on the headrest. There’s a sudden pain in his stomach, like a hit, and when he glances at the screen which displays a message sent by ‘X’, saying ‘hope you had a good day, too ♥’, it only gets worse.

He knows Taekwoon is ‘X’.

Jaehwan renamed him after Hongbin found out they were texting each other, several months ago.

His throat tightens and his chest hurts with the jealousy and sadness, the feeling of being deceived, even though Jaehwan knows very well he’s aware of what’s going on. If only he could turn back time and hug Jaehwan strong enough to force him to stay in bed with him that morning.

He shoves his laptop aside and rushes into the bathroom, only to stop in the middle of it, suddenly losing all of his willpower to confront Jaehwan about the matter.

That would just make it worse. He can’t lose Jaehwan.

He takes off his clothes as fast as he can, pulling the shower’s door open and stepping in. Jaehwan washes the shampoo out of his eyes and hair quickly, looking up at Hongbin, surprised.

“Hongbin-ah, what—”

Hongbin shuts him up with a firm kiss, pulling him in by the waist. He feels Jaehwan's hands lingering above his shoulders for a few seconds, only resting there when Hongbin licks at his lower lip, putting his heart into the kiss. Jaehwan's fingers slide up on the column of his neck, tangling with his now soaked hair, though the touch is tentative and hesitant—the complete opposite of the way Hongbin is holding him.

The water grows cold soon, goosebumps emerging on both of them, so Hongbin draws back, looking into Jaehwan's beautifully glinting eyes and at his red lips, taking his hand and stepping out of the shower, bringing Jaehwan along to the bedroom. He lays Jaehwan onto the bed, not too gently, crawling over him to bend down and kiss him again. The water drops running down on his skin feel icy, but Jaehwan's body is warm, so warm, and Hongbin has missed it so much.

He kisses a trail up on Jaehwan's neck, mouthing on the line of his jaw, shuddering when Jaehwan drags his hands over his chest and stomach, every touch of his fingertips feeling like small sparkles of fire—Hongbin hasn’t felt so alive in months.

It’s minutes, hours, ages later that the pain returns.

Jaehwan wraps his legs around Hongbin's waist, pulling him in more, his quiet sounds panted onto the skin of Hongbin's shoulder, nails digging into his back as Hongbin thrusts forward harder with every move of his hips. He presses a few kisses to Jaehwan's damp hair, Jaehwan dragging his lips over his neck, throwing his head back on the pillow, eyes closed and brow furrowed, the prettiest of sobs bubbling from his throat.

The thought is only half-conceived; Hongbin doesn’t want to let it cloud his brain right now—now that Jaehwan is clutching his arms, all of him shaking under Hongbin, trying to suppress his sounds by biting his lower lip. Hongbin reaches up, brushing his thumb over Jaehwan's lip, trying to burn the image of the flesh rucking up under his finger into his mind. Jaehwan opens his eyes slowly, looking into Hongbin's eyes with pupils fully blown and cheeks flushed, making Hongbin's heart want to burst out of his ribcage. Jaehwan is the most gorgeous thing he has ever seen in his life.

He kisses Jaehwan again, going faster just a little with Jaehwan moaning into his mouth constantly, already unable to kiss back until he comes, choking on air. Hongbin kisses him through the high, only losing the rhythm of it when he comes, too, in Jaehwan's arms, Jaehwan kissing him properly, like he always did when everything was still more than okay.

“I love you,” Hongbin manages to rasp out when he tilts his head to the other side. “I love you so much,” he says again, pulling back and sweeping some still wet locks out of Jaehwan's eyes.

“What’s wrong with you?” Jaehwan laughs breathlessly, his eyelids moving heavily as he blinks, like he’s too tired to stay awake. “You used to hate saying it out loud.”

This is what makes the thought grow big enough to invade Hongbin's mind.

Jaehwan didn’t do this because he loves him. He did it because it felt nice.

If heartbreak made a sound, both of them would be deaf now.

“You used to say it back whenever I did,” Hongbin replies, pulling away and lying down next to Jaehwan, rolling onto his side.

Jaehwan doesn’t say anything, only gets up from the bed carefully some moments later, leaving Hongbin there teary-eyed and pathetic.

He can’t lose Jaehwan now. He’s already lost him.

**Author's Note:**

> While looking for inspiration, I stumbled upon quite a few pictures in my KenBin folder on my laptop that made me feel the best and worst things at the same time. I mean, can we just [talk](http://cfile24.uf.tistory.com/image/21659F4A558111161F0CE6) about how [Hongbin](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CCdkSAKUAAInO_4.jpg) looks like he’s [seconds](https://imgur.com/meeqVUF) away from [kissing](http://cfile27.uf.tistory.com/image/2376DB4A55811122147ED9) [Jaehwan](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CBQrHbEUwAA-q5O.jpg) all the time???
> 
>  
> 
> feel free to talk to me about any of my stories or just vixx in general on [tumblr](http://hongbab.tumblr.com/), [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/hongbab) or [aff](http://www.asianfanfics.com/profile/view/1061753) ♡ please support me on [ko-fi.com](https://ko-fi.com/hongbab) if you can ♡


End file.
